i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
