I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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