Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
