if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
pray to the hookup gods
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
