I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
