I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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