your parents love me but you hate me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think my vagina is haunted
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
