Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize