Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I supernannyed him into submission
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
