I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
