Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
