Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
