mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
