I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
