I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
