Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
