Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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