dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize