I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
