My Higher Power is John Stamos
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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