I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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