dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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