we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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