hotel room ftw
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
