I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
