I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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