I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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