Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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