i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize