ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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