Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
