I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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