i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
