did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
