I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
