Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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