not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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