I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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