Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
