after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
