I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
