In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
