I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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