He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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