Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think my mom watched the whole time
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
