so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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