Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
