all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
