i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
