I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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