I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
