My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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