when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
