I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
