I didn't shave. On purpose
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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