3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
