talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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