We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize