absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
