I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
