WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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