The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize