You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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