He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
