Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
