this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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