I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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