this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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