And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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