He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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