I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
