how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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