Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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